“After giving to others and putting others first for so many years I have lost my sense of self, of who I am.”
This is a sentence that’s common to many women that I speak to on our Rise UP coaching program. But there can be many other reasons that women grieve the loss of themselves.
Suddenly you find yourself grieving for the person that you once were, longing to be the person you once knew.
I recall this in my own journey after the loss of our son.
Yes, my greatest grief that I navigated was the realisation that he was no longer there. That my hopes and dreams for his life we are nothing but a smudge, a dream, a fantasy. That our hopes for his life and future with us as a family had vanished into thin air. Holding onto those dreams was like trying to catch a lingering thread of smoke in my hands, forever just out of my reach and unable to be held.
Everything had changed and I was in free fall. This can’t be real.
But in amongst all of this grief and emotional turmoil, that I found myself also grieving for the loss of myself.
I felt all of these women vanish into thin air, leaving me as an empty shell of my former self, trying to figure out how to piece myself back together.
I recall hearing from family or friends we miss the old you.
Well guess what? I missed me too.
I would have loved nothing more than to step into my old skin and feel a sense of joy or sense of enthusiasm again. To have something to look forward to. To feel together.
Instead I put on my mask each day and tried to keep moving forward through the heaviness, whilst at the same time trying to redefine and find my new self without falling apart. I was lost in the mess of it all.
Losing your sense of self can be the greatest grief of all.
I spent months ruminating on all of the losses. Asking myself what if? Seeking to blame others.
I walked this dusty path in circles getting absolutely nowhere until I felt exhausted.
With the mind’s story wearing thin, I paused, and found myself at a crossroads. Something had to change in my mindset. The questions I asked were not providing solutions and I still felt lost.
It was a change in mindset that had me asking some different what if‘s.
Losing a sense of self is a hard and lonely inward journey. It can happen to women through grief, loss, relationship or family breakdowns. It can happen with life falling apart or not turning out as planned. The way we define ourselves vanishes and we are left lost in the dark.
But losing your sense of self is also a journey that can find the jewel within.
The YOU that has been waiting to emerge.
Too often we shy away and deny sadness, grief and depleting emotions.
But when integrated, they create and form authenticity. Creating someone who can stand up, Rise UP and know that they’ve walked path like no other and survived.
Are you seeking to form a new picture for yourself?
Would you like the steps that needed to help you move forward? Throughout my journey I have created the essential steps for women navigating grief, loss or life challenges called Rise UP. I offer this in a beautiful 4 day retreat for women and also with my online programs.
Are you seeking to find clarity, confidence and courage?
Like to learn more about developing resilience through life challenges?
Niky offer’s her Rise UP program for women online as well as her within her four day Rise UP retreat.