Do you feel on the edge of exhaustion trying to keep everyone happy and you wonder when is it exactly that your happiness will start to count? When do you fit into the picture?

Perhaps you feel run ragged simply trying to please everyone else, only to find yourself feeling unappreciated or let down?

I’ve learnt a few lessons throughout my own life challenges, and one of them is that as women, we can leave ourselves drained, depleted and filled with resentment just trying to please everyone else.

We can set out with the greatest of intentions, but to someone else we will be too much, too little, too loud, too quiet, too open, too closed- not enough.

We can decide how we think we can best serve the world or help others, and to someone else it will be too intrusive, too distant, too deep, too shallow, too bossy, too detailed, too brief – not enough.

Let’s explore people pleasing, why we try so hard and why we end up feeling like we’re not enough.

People pleasing looks like:

• Saying yes even though you’re already at capacity, because you don’t want to let someone else down.
• Feeling like your needs aren’t valid or you don’t want to bother anyone else with your problems.
• Feeling responsible for other peoples feelings.
• Not speaking up for yourself when it matters because you don’t want to rock the boat.
• Difficulty setting boundaries with others, giving too much and then feeling walked on.
• Worry. Worrying what others think. Worrying about disappointing others. Worrying about rejection. Worry that leads to keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself, just in case it all goes wrong.

Sometimes women develop these habits as a survival instinct. A safety response much like the freeze response in order to pacify others. Is it really protecting you or is it it hemming you in?

Sometimes women develop these habits due to a deep sense of loss of self worth. Like somehow everyone else’s needs are more important than yours.

Sometimes women develop these habits through fear of rejection. The needing to belong outweighs your own sense of self and your own values.

Let’s get clear on some action steps and some hard home truths to help the calm the people pleasing habits if they are becoming unhealthy.

1- Know you’re worthy. What ever you have or have not done in your life you are worthy. No one is above or below you, we are all just here doing our best with the tools and resources we have. Placing others on a pedestal and trying to please them represents a loss of self- worth. If this sounds like you, you can tune into this podcast here.

2- Know that you will experience rejection. As painful as that sounds, no matter who you are, no matter what you do or how much you give life will be filled with both challenge and support, approval and rejection. You will always have both and there is no avoiding that. There will always be someone who is unhappy with who you are or what you give. Breathe. How would it feel to simple give yourself permission to just be you, worry less about the approval, and trust that your own authenticity will help you find the tribe that supports and appreciates you?

3- Know your values and learn to set boundaries. Give what you can without losing your sense of self. Learn to say no to things that are not congruent with what you value. If this is the step you need, read more here!

4- Take a slow breath. You are enough. You are brave and worthy of love and belonging. You have permission to be who you are, as you are. You are loved.

I hope this gives YOU the early steps you need in habitual people pleasing. Lots of love Niky 🦋

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Like to learn more about developing resilience through life challenges?

Niky offer’s her Rise UP program for women online as well as her within her four day Rise UP retreat.

• Find out more about her retreats here
• Learn more about her online program with this free resource to help women transform grief to resilience here
• Listen in to the Synergy Women podcast here
• Interested in Niky’s next Rise UP virtual retreat? Join the waiting list here