Suddenly life has a gap. A void. Something that was supposed to be there, but isn’t. Perhaps it’s a hope, a dream, a relationship, a job, a person, an experience. A different type of life.
Like an art form and a journey without a map, there seems to be no clear way to navigate the stormy waters of grief.
It can feel lonely, it can feel tiring, it can feel like no one understands.
In my own grief journey I can recall the kindness that buoyed us through the early days. Flowers, cards, dinners, phone calls, messages. Like a mirror reflection, I felt that the depth of our grief was matched by the depth of love and kindness.
However, it was the days, weeks and months that followed, I found myself falling into a deeper hole. Overwhelm, brain fog, fatigue, self- blame, resentment, loneliness, anxiety and sadness. I truly felt like I was drowning at sea wondering if I would ever surface to find air again, with a hole the size of the universe in my heart that no one else could see or understand.
I tried everything to heal myself. Psychologists, support groups, yoga, meditation, prayer, running, counselling…. Nothing was really helping me move forward.
It felt like my life was a tipped-out jigsaw and I didn’t even know where to begin to piece it back together.