We’ve all heard it. “Grow through what you go through

Sometimes that statement helps us rise up and accept our challenges as a chance to learn and grow.

Other times that statement can make us shrink with resentment. It can make us feel unheard, unseen and misunderstood.

Grow through THIS? Really? Don’t they know what I am going through here? Can’t they see? There’s no growth here. Just an endless list of challenges I can’t resolve. I can’t even begin to see my way out.



One of my favourite teachers Dr Demartini has shared words that resonate the truth.

That maximum growth occurs at the BORDER of support and challenge.

  • If you live your life with the perception you are fully supported and unchallenged, you can slip into a resting state of unconscious apathy. You can lack insight, empathy toward others, motivation and drive.
  • If you perceive only challenges surrounding you, you can shrink into self pity, anger or resentment. You can start to adopt a ‘battle ready’ approach to all parts of your life becoming reactive and judgemental.

Neither of these options encourage growth.

The truth is we are supported at the same time as experiencing  challenges. Which you perceive will depend on your mindset, your values and your outlook.

If you see only support, you possibly have your head in the sand right? Life is not a bed of roses and feigning endless positivity is a recipe for inauthenticity. We are all human. We all have challenging times.

If you see yourself only buried in a pile of challenges it can also feel like you’re getting nowhere. It can leave you feeling drained, depleted, reactive, tired.

If you feel like you are navigating endless challenges and are in a shrinking state of depletion, here are a few key questions to ask yourself.

These questions can help steer you toward the border of support and challenge, where maximum growth occurs. These questions can also help you build resilience, your ability to adapt and cope with change.

  1. Where am I supported? It might NOT be in the form you envisage or fantasise about. It might not be in the form you expect it should be. Support surrounds us in a variety of ways through challenges. Sometimes we harbour resentment when we are not supported in the way we feel we should be. But where is your support? Is a good question to start asking yourself.
  2. Am I seeing all sides clearly? Seeing all sides helps free up the reactive judgemental mind bringing you back to a calm centre of objectivity.
  3. How is this challenge steering me toward what I value most? How is it helping me become the person I need to be? These questions help offer you find insight, clarity and motivation.

Like to learn more about Niky’s Rise UP retreats and online program to help YOU build resilience? Find out more here

Tune into the Synergy Women Podcast to learn more tips for your body, mind and heart health! Subscribe here!