Isn’t it true that we often spend time dreaming of how things could improve in our life? Life would be better if……
- Perhaps we are envisaging that we should be paid more or have more financial stability.
- Perhaps we should have better health or a more supportive relationship.
- Or perhaps a more fulfilling career or fame and social influence.
Yes, I know I know, sometimes these dreams are simply unreachable fantasies. Dreaming of living a life as a billionaire on a yacht might be somewhat unattainable for most of us.
However there are simple steps and changes that we can make to ensure that we are taking realistic steps toward living the life that we deserve.
Deserve. A strange word that sometimes makes women cringe. I deserve this.
Did you know that your sense of worth, can influence your state of mind, your actions, your thoughts and behaviours?
Sometimes there is a internal hesitation with stepping into a feeling of worth.
Perhaps we are scared of being entitled. But there a big difference between being worthy and being entitled.
Entitled creates a sense that you deserve more than others, that you are above others. And if we take an honest look at ourselves and humanity, there is no woman that is more or less deserving. There is no one above you that deserves more. At the same time there is no one below you that deserves less.
So lets level the playing field.
Let’s explore how to build your sense of worth, without tipping over into a sense of entitlement.
Here are two key tips to build your sense of worth.
Your sense of worth is often depleted or diminished by a sense of guilt or shame. All of the small incremental moments in your life that you perceive as guilty moments, moments of shame, add up in your subconscious mind and weigh heavy and contribute to that small voice in your head to remind you “that’s right, I’m not worth it”.
Let’s address this. To build your sense of worth, to step towards the life you deserve, you must address your buried sense of shame. There are a few simple steps here that form a small part of the DeMartini Method:
- Recall a moment in your life that brings a sense of guilt or shame. It could be something from your childhood, like being mean to your best friend at school. Or something bigger or more recent. Go to that moment and from that moment forward list all of the benefits that have occurred as a result of this. How have you benefited? How has that person involved benefited? Our shame is our own perception of only negative consequences. Nothing good has come from that moment and therefore I am ashamed and I will hold this and it will affect my worthiness for the rest of my life. Balancing our perceptions can help. Some actions that are perceived and stored as negative, can later be discovered to be positive. (Like the time you refused to give your son or daughter money? Feel shame around that? But that resulted in them being resourceful and finding a job to support themselves?) Every action throughout your life that you feel holds shame or guilt when you look at it closely can be freed with a sense of gratitude, when you take time to consciously list the positives that have occurred as a result of your actions. Not all of the outcomes have been negative when you stop and really pay attention. Learning to balance your perceptions from for these moments of stored guilt can allow you to step up and into a sense of worthiness without entitlement.
- Take a deep breath in. Repeat after me. I am human, like everyone else. I was doing the best I could with the tools and resources I had at the time. I forgive myself. Thank you.
Your sense of worth can also be influenced by your lopsided perceptions of others. making the assumption that everyone else out there is better, more worthy, or above you. It is often that we feel less than worthy if we hold someone up on a pedestal. When we believe others are above us, that we are somehow less than.
- List two women close by you that you admire. Perhaps someone you are constantly trying to please. That you feel are above you. What do you admire specifically? List two or three specific traits or actions that you admire. Then, review on your own life. When have you displayed these traits? List as many occasions as you can recall in your life, when you too, were just like those you admire. Simply acknowledging these moments can mean you’re no longer blind to your own positives. You can see yourself as equal to all women. Not above or below.
I hope these simple exercises help you to raise your sense of worth and allow you to step up into a life that you deserve. And if its all too hard, simply write down this beautiful quote from Dr Demartini.
Whatever I have or have not done, I am worthy of love.