I’d like to pose a question- what does resilience mean to you? I mean, life can be filled with challenges for so many people- what does it actually mean to be resilient?
When we look to science, resilience is the ability to return to normality, to spring back into shape. But is this how we describe resilience for ourselves?
- Does it mean simply strong? Capable? Unruffled?
- Does it mean happy-go-lucky? Care free? Unbothered? Water off a duck’s back?
- Does it mean you’re head strong? Or powerful? Or even rigid?
Here’s my thoughts:
Resilience does NOT mean bouncing back. Because we all know there is no return.
You walk through a door that changes your life, and there is no undo button, no rewind, no help desk support number to call to please restart my journey.
In my mind, resilience is the ability to TRANSFORM.
To look at the pieces and figure out how to build a new picture. To take what’s left and mould it into something new. Something that brings about a better version of you. Something that offers out the best piece of you to benefit others or the world.
It does not mean rigid, solid, like an unbreakable wall. It means fluid, adaptive- more like bamboo. (Ever tried to get rid of a bamboo plant?)
It does not mean water off a duck’s back. The last person I saw like that was smooth on the surface and a panic filled anxiety riddled mess underneath. Let’s not aim to be ducks. Blissfully ignoring the outside storm and paddling like mad underneath.
Resilience means you can take your challenges, absorb them, take what you need and make decisions on how to best move forward.
Resilience means you can stand in the cyclone and simply become the eye of the storm. And with the rubble that remains in the aftermath, still find your heart and rebuild.
What does it take to be resilient?
As a women’s health and resilience coach, I have witnessed life’s tragedies and know that for some women, it’s the small things that can really knock them flat. For other women, huge hurdles and great life challenges come their way and they can somehow find a way to navigate.
It appears the external story, the crisis, the life hurdle, is not actually relevant to being able to find and develop resilience.
Developing resilience is like any skill. Like learning to read or get fit- it takes dedicated effort, encouragement as well as guidance from others. Anyone can develop skills of resilience and some are fortunate enough to be born into families who help nurture those skills from a young age.
Here are the key steps to start the resilience building journey:
1- Self care.
Looking after your own health is the first crucial step in developing resilience. This includes health for your body (nutrition, sleep, exercise), health for your heart (joy, connection, relationships) and health for your mind (mindset, mindfulness and stress management). These are the first steps in the Rise UP method I have developed to help women navigate tough times. Like to know the common beliefs that stop women looking after their health with self care? Click here.
With every crisis, there is a blessing. I know how hard it can be to count your blessings when your drowning in grief, or to be grateful when life has tipped upside down. However sometimes we spend so much time looking at closed doors we miss the open doors right in front of our nose. The Demartini Method is the only method I know that both gracefully and effectively open’s your perception to the opportunities that lie within a challenge. As a qualified Demartini facilitator I have witnessed women completely dissolve into gratitude and lose all heavy resentment or grief when I have guided them through with the Demartini method. Like to learn more about the Demartini method?
3- Know your strengths and values
Sometimes it feels like your flailing around, getting nowhere, trying to climb out of quick sand. It can be very tiring navigating life challenges. Recalling your best moments, your strengths and values can help steer you and provide the exact motivation you need to help you through.
Resilience is something that all women can achieve and I am passionate about helping women Rise UP through life’s hurdles to live the lives they want to live with grace and authenticity.
Interested in learning more about grief and resilience coaching? Contact us!